Friday, July 25, 2014

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"*

At last, someone's getting back at the French: 
Colin Furze, a plumber and inventor from Stamford, Lincolnshire, has begun building the biggest fart machine ever, which he plans to place on top of the cliffs of Dover and aim across the Channel towards France. His hope is that the French, 21 miles away, will hear the blast. 
The machine, which Furze will house in a pair of specially constructed buttocks, is a giant pulse valveless jet engine – as used in Nazi V-1 bombs during the Second World War – that creates a plume of fire to go along with its deafening roar. Furze hopes to mount the contraption on the cliffs of Dover on July 24, between 6 and 7pm.
Of course, this begs the question of who keeps records on the escalation in size of fart machines through history. 

*Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

They have so much time on their hands in between elections, the poor dears

A number of edits, apparently made in jest, have been picked up by the automatic twitter bot Congress Edits, which monitors Wikipedia for changes to the site made by accounts with IP addresses coming from inside the US legislature.
For instance, one such edit changed the Wikipedia page for Reptilians, the lizard people who are the subject of numerous conspiracy theories which say that they control everything from the British monarchy to the American government.
The wag added the line "these allegations are completely unsubstantiated and have no basis in reality," which was duly tweeted out by the account.
Other edits accused the Cuban government of faking the moon landings, and named the former defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld as an alien lizard.
It seems that those edits were the final straw for Wikipedia's administrators, who implemented a 10-day ban on any changes coming from one particular IP address within the US Congress, "due to disruptive editing originating from that address".

Apparently not true.

wtf, funny, funny pictures, jesus, dinosaur, 10 Epic Portraits of Jesus and Dinosaurs
Apparently true.

-but they picked the wrong persecuted baker

Two years ago, the now-defunct SC blog The Garnet Spy did an ideological happy dance over the intellectual prowess of right-winginess:
CPAC also emphasizes how striking it is that there are so  many conservative political rock stars.  Liberals don’t have philosophical rock stars; they have to go to Hollywood to get people who pretend for a living to shill for them. Actors and actresses – who depend on scriptwriters to tell them what to say and directors to tell them how to say it – come out in masses to support President Teleprompter. 
          Where are the Left’s versions of Herman Cain, Ann Coulter, Mike Huckabee, Andrew Breitbart, Carly Fiorina, Sarah Palin, Paul Ryan, Marco Rubio, Laura Ingraham, Allen West, Connie Mack and Oliver North? 
          Who do the Left have?  John Kerry? Nancy Pelosi?  Harry Reid? Al Sharpton? Rachel Maddow? Keith Olbermann          There are rock stars and then there are garage band losers.
Two years on, another conclave- Tony Perkins Values Voters Summit (sounds like a "shop against the clock grocery store challenge, doesn't it?)- has nuveiled its rock star lineup:


Attorney General Greg Abbott
Rep. Michele Bachmann
U.S. House (R-Minn.)
Gary Bauer
President, American Values
Glenn Beck
Radio & TV Host
Jason & David Benham
Founders, Benham Companies
Dr. Bill Bennett
Best-selling Author and Host, "Morning in America"
Ryan Bomberger
Co-founder of The Radiance Foundation
Gen. William Boykin
(U.S. Army-Ret.), Former Commander, Delta Force
David Brat
Rep. Jim Bridenstine
U.S. House (R-Okla)
Gov. Sam Brownback
Gov. Phil Bryant
Roma Downey & Mark Burnett
Film Directors
Kirk Cameron
Actor and Producer,Monumental
Dr. Ben Carson
Dir. of Pediatric Neurosurgery, Johns Hopkins Hospital
Sen. Ted Cruz
Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli
Dr. James Dobson
Author, Founder, Focus on the Family
Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar
TLC's 19 Kids & Counting
Erick Erickson
Editor, RedState
The Green Family
Founder, Hobby Lobby
Sean Hannity
Host, "The Sean Hannity Show"
Gov. Mike Huckabee
Host, "Huckabee"
Brit Hume
Syndicated Columnist
Laura Ingraham
Syndicated Columnist
Bishop E.W. Jackson
Founder & President, S.T.A.N.D.
Craig James
Assistant to the President, FRC
Gov. Bobby Jindal
Aaron & Melissa Klein
Owners, Sweet Cakes
Mark Levin
Host, The Mark Levin Show"
Rush Limbaugh
Radio Host, The Rush Limbaugh Show
Michelle Malkin
Syndicated Columnist
Rep. Mark Meadows
Benjamin Netanyahu
Prime Minister of Israel
Lt. Col. Oliver North
Syndicated Columnist
Gov. Sarah Palin
Former Governor of Alaska
Star Parker
Author and President of CURE
Sen. Rand Paul
Tony Perkins
President, Family Research Council and FRC Action
Gov. Rick Perry
Sandy Rios
Host, Sandy Rios in the Morning on AFR Talk
Sen. Marco Rubio
Rick Santorum
Founder, Patriot Voices
Ben Sasse
President, Midland University
Sen. Tim Scott
Kelly Shackelford
President, Liberty Institute
Gary Sinese
Actor, Director
Todd Starnes
FOX News
Mat Staver
Chairman, Liberty Counsel